It’s starting to get personal……

Our divorce was not a long drawn out, litigious affair but it had an impact all the same, of course it did. I went through the emotions; anger first, shame followed at having failed at something so many others, so I thought at the time, had made a success of; and then guilt that I was putting my family through this and that I had not fulfilled the perceived societal norm of a long happy marriage.

At that stage, there was no collaborative model and mediation was a word at best whispered, rather than shouted. There was little individual therapeutic-based support (as opposed to pure therapy) which would have helped. We were both lawyers and did not want to involve others due to our shared embarrassment of needing to approach other local lawyers about our intimate personal details. We got there but not without scars.

A divorce can make you feel as if your identity has been taken away. For me, the separation also meant I had to get a new role, we were partners in the same firm. My whole life structure was under threat at a time when my personal resources were at an all-time low. It seemed brutal that at such a time you are required to rebuild your life elsewhere.